Dear, God.

I do a forgetful.
My brain is Golden Tail monkey's brain replica.
Not an elephant.
Not with those ants.
Not even a dog.

But sometimes I get confused.
And insanely, I asked myself, "why do I so hard to discard those memories?"
It's killing me.
Fuck.

Why me?
Why me, Lord?
You have another Prophet Ayub.
I'm not tough, not enough.
I need to learn first.
It's too sudden and too heavy and too wide and too fast.

I hate my life.
Really.
I've try since You gave me those trials.
But I can't.

I've try to understand and get into my life now.
My true life like this.
But the more I get in, the more I get hurt.
I just.........can't received it.
So hard for me to get in to Yours.

I don't get what You mean, Lord.
I do not.
I really do not.
Whatever.

I become jealousy.
With everything.
Everything look impossible for me.
Yes, IMPOSSIBLE.

I have no hope.
Since that time.
Since you took away everything that we have, everything that we planned, everything that we hope.
Seems so unfair for me.

It's terrible.
But this is what I feel.

I'm sorry, Lord.
I can't be any better.
I can't be Your good vassal.
I'm so so sorry.